


i wanna see the world (when i stop breathing)

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Malec One Shots [31]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: BACK ON MY BULLSHIT, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post second Break-Up, Really guys, Suicidal Magnus Bane, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:26:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29129469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: His spark has gone out and it's never going to come back...
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Malec One Shots [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1027613
Kudos: 14





	i wanna see the world (when i stop breathing)

**Author's Note:**

> Feeling a bit downer and found a really good cover of listen before i go on youtube (the cover is by Lynnea M if you wanted to go listen to it). 
> 
> If you're in a bad place, please talk to someone about it! Take care of yourselves, guys, please!
> 
> Magnus still has the Loft, he got it back aftr the transfusion fell through.

_Take me to the rooftop,_  
_I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turnin' blue._  
_Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious._  
_Leave me like you do._  
~listen before i go, Billie Eilish

* * *

He looks out over Brooklyn, the lights sparkling in the night sky and sucks in a breath, holding It in for just a moment before letting it go. True love cannot die. Something he’d believed in all his life and now he’s not sure what he believes. Well, no, that’s not true, he knows exactly what he believes. True love is eternal, but true love doesn’t exist for those like him.

He should have never listened to Camille. He’d been lead to the Blackfriar’s Bridge that day for a reason, and it hadn’t been to be saved, as he’d once come to believe. His very existence is sin, he’s never been particularly religious, but how can he deny the existence of Hell when he’s been there? It’s nothing so beautiful and glorious as this.

The City That Never Sleeps is a comfort, bright little lights shining long into the darkness when all the others have gone out. The sign that you aren’t alone, even in the midst of the night. The lights glowing, a cry to all that ‘you are not alone, we’re here’, but he’s never felt so alone. It’s not even been a year yet, but somehow he’s managed to lose everything. He still has his business and his loft, but nothing that really, truly matters to him.

Alec hadn’t been wrong, his spark has gone out, he just hadn’t realized until someone pointed it out. He’s not even sure that if Alec burst through the door, apologized, and proclaimed his undying love he’d be saved. He’s beyond that now, this is what he believes. He doesn’t even know why he’s crying about it, it’s just a fact. Everyone has breaking points, and he reached his a very long time ago, he just failed to realize it. Propped himself up with connections and an inflated sense of importance, and a fake sense of bravado. But the fact is, he was broken long ago, shoddily put back together, and left to crumble away. He’s just dust now, dust to be picked up and floated away on the wind.

So, he’s here, up on the rooftop, watching life go on while his reaches its overdue end. There’s never been anywhere to go but down. Down to rock bottom. Down to the water beneath the Blackfriar’s Bridge. Down to Hell. Down to the pavement below. Really, he’s just finally making it to his final and inevitable destination, long after he should have.

He climbs up onto the ledge, his heart in his throat as he thinks of the letters written on his desk. His last apologies and final goodbyes to all of his friends. He loves them and he will miss them all in Hell, or wherever it is Warlock’s end up when they die since he’s certainly never encountered any of his fellows on his trips Below. Regardless, he’ll think of them fondly.

He closes his eyes, imprinting that comforting image of Brooklyn in his mind’s eye as he steps forward, correcting the mistake he made at the Blackfriar’s Bridge oh so long ago.

* * *

_Sorry can't save me now (Sorry)_  
_Sorry I don't know how (Sorry)_  
_Sorry there's no way out (Sorry)_  
_But down._  
~listen before i go, Billie Eilish


End file.
